I do not. 

Reflected back into my own, is a face I do not own.

I do not do this. I do not want. I do not make a fool of myself. I do not want.

I do not stare. I do not care. I do glare. I do not want. I do not long for you to see– more than just a physical me.
I do not hear the heartless thoughts as they spit venom while we walk. I do not listen as you speak, I do no not glimpse from beneath your sheet.20170226_134818.jpg

I do not feel the breath of your soul as it tangles with my own. I do not cry when you say goodbye. I do not smile when your lips brush mine. I do not want. I do not leave. I do not care. I do not see.

I do not hear unspoken words about how I’m not good enough outside of closed doors. I do not watch each step you take, I do not wait, I do not watch. I do not want.

I do not want. I will not want. I could not want. Why would I want. What do I even want!?

What does it mean,

if only you could see, the truth of me–of everything–

What it  could   mean for someone like you

to want someone like me?

I do not want. I do not see. I do not feel. I do not plead….. All these lies I want to believe.

 

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