An open poem to my best friend: the man I loved, and lost, because I let my mental illness get the best of me. If ever you read this, my love, I am so sorry…
It stripped me down
piece. by. piece.
it’s contagious embrace burning near
the agonizing crunch
– my god –
These solicitous† tears consume my trepidation†; Shaving thy tarnished heart betwixt these shears; I cannot stop this—I cannot breathe. How did this happen with no words to hear. My hazardous mind! What have you done!? I loved you too much, my dear. I hear you loud and clear. I loved you so much, my darling—
a heavy price for my vice.
Beyond the sleepless night I enticed a consequential fight for violated rites…
Oh, the vain complacency† of me…
My mouth, an arsenal of self-hatred; I displaced this vexation to save you from my afflicted damnation; my issues unspoken for the mind is broken, a hunger for your open token of emotion; like a shotgun of dread these words fill my head ,and I cannot escape this place where every turn reveals your face; i’m woven in devotion more vast than your frozen ocean
One smoke-filled breath erodes my flesh— I cannot feel it shredding apart my chest. My god this pain is possessed by repressed requests oppressed at the hand of my own unrest. A glowing soul violently deflated; A body degraded and jaded;
my fate persuaded by anxious-plated-cogitation†.
†Solicitous – adj, worried, anxious, loving, troubled
†Trepidation – noun, to worry or have anxiety
†complacency – noun, contentment or smugness
†cogitation – noun, deep thought, contemplation, meditation, speculation