An Open Poem: How Anxiety Destroyed My Heart & Ripped My Best Friend From My Life

An open poem to my best friend: the man I loved, and lost, because I let my mental illness get the best of me. If ever you read this, my love, I am so sorry…

It stripped me down

piece. by. piece.

it’s contagious embrace burning near

until

the agonizing crunch

my god

These solicitous† tears consume my trepidation†;  Shaving thy tarnished heart betwixt these shears; I cannot stop this—I cannot breathe. How did this happen with no words to hear. My hazardous mind! What have you done!? I loved you too much, my dear. I hear you loud and clear. I loved you so much, my darling—

a heavy price for my vice.

Beyond the sleepless night I enticed a consequential fight for violated rites…

Oh, the vain complacency† of me…

My mouth, an arsenal of self-hatred; I displaced this vexation to save you from my afflicted damnation; my issues unspoken for the mind is broken, a hunger for your open token of emotion; like a shotgun of dread these words fill my head ,and I cannot escape this place where every turn reveals your face; i’m woven in devotion more vast than your frozen ocean

One smoke-filled breath erodes my flesh— I cannot feel it shredding apart my chest. My god this pain is possessed by repressed requests oppressed at the hand of my own unrest. A glowing soul violently deflated; A body degraded and jaded;

my fate persuaded by anxious-plated-cogitation†.

 


Word Key

†Solicitous – adj, worried, anxious, loving, troubled

†Trepidation – noun, to worry or have anxiety

†complacency – noun, contentment or smugness

†cogitation – noun,  deep thought, contemplation, meditation, speculation

 

 

 

 

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