It’s not you, it’s me

If I die
It’s
Not from lack of trying

— on their part–

But because


I didn’t want to share
My pain.

Let me see

In arms of strength

I face my placid urge to

Run and escape

I found a solstice inside my breast

As i lose myself inside your grasp

Fears loom deep within

But the beating heart

Of my love

Lingers

Reminding me

What it means

To live.

My eyes at rest

While my mind sets

Fire

To racing thoughts crowding my brain.

This new desire to write

Has broken normal notions

For I found my way to you

And your point of view.

Each days become endless

As I fight with my conscious

Are these my words or yours?

Two opposites merged within my being.

What the hell am I now feeling?

War drums

I finally begin to see

The world through a lens besides me

I am looking at a land quite the same

Except the destruction was my own

I’m living inside your brain

Feeling your pain

I see how deadly ill be

I see how you analyzed me

I know the plans of mutinity were much more than only hurting me

I was the monster of our movie

I see now

I feel now

But it’s too late now.

The drums keep beating.

White single mothers

Am I right or am I wrong

To judge my own race so hard?

We believe that white people are the key to the perfect population yet i see these things inside other cultures that i wish I could white people could have bothered

Bothered to see or to feel or speak

To see a family as something you need to keep. To feel a love so deep as a burden lifted from personal streets

Deep within your soul I find white people generally feel old. Tired from their pleated sheets and from babies cutting teeth.

We sit in a struggle of white single mothers. We find a strength within ourselves as the whole world shuts us down. Promised a spoon to feed if only we had aborted their seed. Alone we struggle as mothers

For white mothers

We only can depend upon each otber

Talking to myself

Alright lets start this true

This rant of lies wrapped inside my mind thats telling me

Telling me I’m fine

Therapy ain’t my scene

Bitching about issues only I can see

Show me how to treat my fellow humanity while im returned with apathetic hypocrisies.

Unyielding hunger to cry out for you

Someone to hold and sleep the night next to

I dont need petty things. Just someone who will understand me. Broken souls have kaleidoscope eyes and im lost in colors of forgotten lullabies.

My objective is transparent.

Im a shitty single parent

Meant to bend and wrap my needs.

Born to shape and follow

Im better as a unit

Alone in my struggles

No hand to comfort my aches or sorrows

I judge these things from what I’ve seen

Conversations flying high

Quickly morphing into other things

Tonight the bottle judges me

Conversations with 20 versions of me.

Renewal

I shared a piece of my soul

To a stranger of sorts

I am giving a glimpse behind my closed doors, to a world of my shattered soul, to the raging storm, and to the broken unknown.

Quietly I weep as i strangle my thoughts under these sheets. I’ve written a novel in my mind But vocoalized thoughts never aline.

I’m lost and I’m searching

For a world less unnerving

Paralyzed in memories

While reality carves out my sanity

Alone to see my vanity

Alone to hear my prayers

Alone to write my excuses

Alone I am me

Alone I continue to be

Renew my thoughts on me

Renew my expression to see

I’m hungry for the touch

Yet too angry to act on such…

Its easy to be me

When I push and push my feelings–

Under me I relinquish my needs–

Its easy to Renew me

When I darken beautiful beings

Anger is easy to to swallow

If everyone follows and follows

Deeper and

Deeper

I’ll be

My renewal is a work of sorrow.

Its so easy to be me.

Renwew my hatred as followed:

You can’t hurt me

Lost in my scene

Ill write off each problem

You’ll hate the sarcasm and one-lined numbers

For every tomorrow

I’m finally the version of me

To walled off

For anyone to follow.

A renewal in ashes it seems

So drunk in clarity

I’m

Gone

So alive on prosperity

I’m Gone

Hating me makes tomorrow my only problem

Online

Another message sent

To another unknown recipient

More words spoken

Without lips moved.

Endless conversations

With endless amounts of views

I keep searching for you.

Inhabit my soul

As I lose control

These emotions unnerve

The breath that you stole

the absent loop hole

Of pain deserved

I’m alone

While you preserve